“Eventually, I got over it and embraced the person I had become and found new things to love about myself, but the weight of what I lost still weighs heavily on me today.”
I’ve randomly come across “Dark Times” By The Weekend and Ed Sheeran. One lyric stuck out to me and I just had to share a thought on it.
“This ain’t the right time for you to fall in love with me
Baby I’m just being honest
And I know my lies could not make you believe
We’re running in circles that’s why..”
When I heard the words to this song I was instantly taken to a memory of someone that this song reminded me of. I thought to myself, perhaps if he had said this to me, well then I would’ve never allowed myself to love you.
I Know, I Know…
That’s crazy you can’t change the past. What’s wrong with wondering how your life could’ve been? to never make that mistake that continues to bite you in the ass? I ask myself these questions amongsts others.
Then again there is the possbility that there will never be a right time to love the wrong person, but I would’ve appreciated the honesty. Just a single sentence with only a few syallables telling me what you already knew but I was temporarly blind to.
The only difference is I did believe those lies and it did keep me in the circle for a very, very, very long time. I’ve been circling this person for so long that sometimes I worry that I’m still in the circle without even realizing it.
“In my dark times I’ll be going back to the street
Promising everything I do not mean
In my dark time, baby this is all I could be
And only my mother can love me for me
In my dark times, in my dark times..”
Hearing this portion of the song took me to a dark place of my own. I’ve lost count of the number of empty promises I heard leave the lips of this person. I felt disappointed and let down everytime. It took a piece of my soul each time, until I grew use to it. I expected this from him and it felt normal.
Who was I Kidding?
I didn’t care how messed up this person was, I couldn’t stop my heart from caring. I learned how to love them for who they were no matter how dispicable they bahaved towards me. I honestly believed that I had to be the example of what real love is because he’s never known, or so I thought.
Then The Dark Times Began…..
Once the spiral began, there was no stopping it. Plenty of lessons learned at this point. A lot of it hardened me in a way I didn’t expect. I was seduced by the stregnth that it gave me not realizing that I had to sacrifice a lot of what I once loved about my personality and beliefs. This realization was a very despondent one. I remember wishing for a way to stop it, to somehow freeze time.
Eventually, I got over it and embraced the person I had become and found new things to love about myself, but the weight of what I lost still weighs heavily on me today.
It Was Just Time To Grow Up….
I had to realize there was no victim or villain in this situation. I knew what I needed to do, but I failed to do it time and time again. That was my responsibility to always do the right thing no matter how hard it is at times. Given sometimes I was unsure of what that was, but The Weekend spelled it out for me in this song.
The link to the song is below. Take a listen, it’s an awesome song.