A Few Loose Ends

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***It has been some time since I last updated my blog about the single life in the city. Let’s dive right in and catch you up on what you’ve missed.***


The Catalina and Jason story has finally concluded and spoiler he didn’t turn out to be her Prince Charming as she thought he would. If you need a recap, here’s the link to a previous blog about the two.
There was one line in particular I’d like to go back to. It went something like this ” Some people spend their entire life chasing something that was never meant for them to have. At times, while you’re chasing the wrong thing you may miss the thing that’s right for you.” I was compelled to requite those words because they ring even prominently now in her story.

Still With Me, So far?

Catalina was so taken with Jason when they first met. She was willing to go out her comfort zone to try to make an intimate connection with him. Jason on the other hand seemed to want the opposite. He was extremely stand offish and seemed uninterested. Catalina had the will of a bull, she refused to let things go. She kept scheming and planning ways to start conversation with Jason. Things she could ask to get him to go out with her. All in all nothing worked. For some time things seemed to be at a stand still. They saw each other so infrequently, that any progress she did make was erased.

 Then a transition began to happen. She decided to trust in God and allow him to provide her with the answers. What else could be credited for all the obstacles that she seemed to face, just to tell Jason how much she liked him? There were times when he didn’t show up for service at all, or he would be so busy that she would in her attempts to get him alone. There were a few times she waited outside and he either went the wrong way or she lost her nerve to say anything. The list goes on and on.

Here’s The Kicker…


Catalina prayed and prayed about a solution for her man trouble. She was confident in her belief that what is meant for you, will be for you. It doesn’t matter the amount of time that you’ll have to wait for it.


Eventually, the answer did come. On a typical Sunday morning, in the middle of service Jason walked across the stage to announce that he would be leaving the church to move on to other opportunities. Catalina was a bit dazed and didn’t hear the entire speech fully. There was no denying it any longer, God had answered her with a big fat NO. His sign was irrefutable, Jason was not meant for Catalina so God took him away. He took away all her doubt and confusion.

The reality was absolutely a hard truth to accept. I imagine it to be like trying to swallow a mouthful of sand. Catalina showed her strength and let go of Jason. She had intended to say goodbye, but never got the chance to.

It ate away at her to know all the unspoken words, those phrases and sentences would never be expressed to Jason. After all, you can’t take back words that were never said. She was tempted to question the will of God. Why would he deny her someone who seemed right for her on paper that is. She felt an attraction that she couldn’t ignore. He was mysterious and seemed to be different from anyone else she’d met. Then why couldn’t Jason be hers?

Let’s Be Real For A Moment…..

How else could this have really gone. I’m not trying to be insensitive, but beside the physical attraction (solely on Catalina’s part) what was there to build on. I say absolutely nothing. Here’s my break down of why they weren’t right for each other.

1. They come from different worlds…

 Jason is a model third generation Christian. His father is a Pastor of his own church as well as a prominent gospel artist. Jason grew up in church and was bred for the life of a Pastor’s son.

Catalina doesn’t come from strong roots like that. She grew up in church for a while and had no Christian influence in the home outside of a few prayers and conversations about God here and there. She made the choice to develop a deeper relationship with him recently, while Jason was already firm and steadfast in his relationship with God.

2.There level of fellowship differed…..

Jason attended every church service and event, after all he led the choir. Jason is the poster boy for all things musical. He was always in demand and took every opportunity to produce gospel music. Catalina attended most services and rarely went to events. She believes in having a balance with faith and her social life, while Jason seems to be all about church. She doesn’t know what musical note is, let alone carry a tune. It sounds like she may be tone-deaf.

3. He might just be Gay….

A majority of the people who read their story arrived to the same conclusion, that he may not like women at all. In this world and present time anything is possible. He could be hiding it because he knows the Christian world won’t be accepting of it. I wouldn’t want to invest my time and energy into someone who prefers a man’s company to mine.

I guess the lesson here is never to chase a guy, because you never know the reason why he’s running. Here’s an article title “10 Valid Reasons Why You Should Never Chase A man”.


Thank you for reading and please feel free to drop a comment or two below.
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Misery and Love

I feel this pain,
clawing and digging at my skin.
Everything I attempt to satiate it with,
only causes it to take hold of me more.

I think I’ll feel this pain,
until I feel your touch again.
Am I crazy for this?

I told you that I don’t care
if you choose to walk away.
But, every time you’re with me,
I’m begging you to stay.

I feel this pain,
burning and throbbing at my brain.
I down a bunch of pain killers,
but the ache only intensifies.

I must find a way,
to erase you from my memories.
I’d prefer madness to this.

I tell myself to ignore everything,
that I love about you.
But you beat at my heart,
until it let’s you in again.

Oh, why must you hurt me like this?

I feel this pain,
freezing and shattering my heart.
I touch your lips for some warmth,
but that’s only a temporary fix.

I must find a way to stop the pain,
but the distance only causes me to
hunger for you more.

I feel this pain,
gaining a stronger hold on me.
I attempt to shake it free,
but it only tightens the ropes around me.

Damn it! Damn it! Please just set me free.
I no longer want to be apart of this misery.

 

There Is A Candle In Your Heart

There is a candle in your heart,
ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul,
ready to be filled.
You feel it, don’t you?
You feel the separation
from the Beloved.
Invite Him to fill you up,
embrace the fire.
Remind those who tell you otherwise that
Love
comes to you of its own accord,
and the yearning for it
cannot be learned in any school.

From: ‘Hush Don’t Say Anything to God: Passionate Poems of Rumi’
Translated by Sharam Shiva

Hosanna: My Cornerstone

I was dead until you breathed new life into me.

Your love has become,

my nectar of immortality.

 

After drinking from your cup,

My eyes are open to all that I was

blind to.

 

I see now that you are the way.

The one true path,

that I shall choose to walk from.

 

My heart was slowly dying,

being ground into many fine pieces of dust.

I decided to take a handful,

and allow it to scatter in the air.

 

That is until you found me so low one day.

You gave me your hand and pulled me

from the ground.

 

I was so thankful to lean on you, so that I could walk.

You took the pieces of my heart into your hands,

and began making it whole again.

It was like watching sand become a rock.

 

How was it possible for me to be worthy

of such a miracle?

 

You smiled and handed it back to me,

said that I should keep it safe this time.

Silly me,

I thought you meant that I should keep

it locked  away from everyone.

 

In time, I’ve come to understand your wisdom.

You can love and still be strong.

 

Love wasn’t meant to make you weak.

Love wasn’t meant to make you feel sorrow.

Love wasn’t meant to take you from yourself.

Love wasn’t meant to make you gullible.

 

Instead,

It is the hope that keeps you from

falling into the darkness.

It brings peace inside your heart.

It teaches you compassion.

It makes you selfless.

It gives you purpose.

 

The day I took your hand was a blessing,

and I have been thankful ever since.

For you, I was waiting all my life.

 

You rescued me from all my lonely nights.

You removed the scars from my heart,

and showed me how to resurrect my love.

 

You banished the darkness,

creating the stars to guide  me whenever I lose me way.

I fall to your feet now,

because now I know that you are

my cornerstone and the reason for everything.

No Pressure

Come take a walk with me.

Darling, take my hand as we

walk along the beach.

 

Listen to the waves of the rolling sea.

They are unsettled like me.

With each foot print I think

I’m beginning to lose my nerve.

 

Look at the glimmering sun.

It’s beauty pales, when compared

to you.

 

Oh, how do I put this into words?

Would you be hurt if I was to go away?

Do you really want me to stay?

 

How could you say

“If you leave, then don’t come back.”

 

I think it’s beginning to rain.

I watch each droplet get lost in your hair.

Remind me again, what were we fighting about?

 

Your laughter is the most beautiful

sound I’ve ever heard.

Come dance in this down pour

with me.

 

I’ve missed days like this.

Yes, even with the fighting.

Shall we continue our walk?

 

I take my beloved by the hand

and we twirl around and around

once last time in the fading rain.

 

The wind comes alive

and usher’s us closer.

I now have no doubt in

what I should do.

 

I release my hold of your waist.

I take hold of your hand, as I

take a bended knee.

 

This may come as a surprise to you,

but I’ve actually planned everything that

happened today.

Oh, except the rain.

 

I pull my hands from my pocket

to expose what I’ve been hiding.

I have but one more question…

 

“Will You Marry Me?” I shout loudly.

I had to throw you off somehow

and by the look on your face, I must’ve.

 

Spending Time Together

 

Let’s travel the world.
Let’s spend our time together.
Let’s make time stand still.

 

Let’s stand on a mountain together and shout.
Let’s say it at the same time, “I Love You.”

 

Let’s go watch the Northern Lights.
Let’s dance and splash in the rain tonight.

 

Let’s pose for a photo.
Let’s make a scrapbook.
Let’s promise to always remember this moment.

 

Baby, lets get married and buy a house.
Let’s have a boy and girl.
Let’s buy a rocking chair.

 

Let’s sing lullabies on our porch.
Let’s grow old together.
Lets love each other into the next life time.

 

Let’s sing the truth.
Let’s say it proud.
Let’s say it now,
for me it will always be you.

Working with Words

Let’s travel the world.
Let’s spend our time together.
Let’s make time stand still.

View original post

Phoenix

I don’t see the point in trying anymore,
When it’s clear that you’ve given up and walked away
….long ago.

I don’t know why it took me so long to see it.
I guess, I couldn’t admit just how wrong I was.

I think back on….
All the times you made me
feel so damn small.

How could I have been such a fool,
to let my entire fortress fall,
all for a kiss.

I mean if it was love,
then it wouldn’t have gone away.

We all know real love doesn’t change.
It may grow brighter or dimmer ,
but the roots always remain the same.

Even now with all this wisdom,
my love hasn’t changed.
It has only grown….

Don’t get confused by my words,
I’m defintely over it.
There will be no more of you
raining on my parade.

I have embraced this life without you,
but sometimes being strong is
extremly hard.

I don’t want to lie and say…
I  feel nothing at all.

Sometimes it kills me
to look at you…
and know things will never be the same.

From this point on …
I’ll forever remember you as
the one who bruised my heart.

Now, I know the problem isn’t me.
I wasn’t the one that wanted this for us.
I’m just tired of holding it all back.

In conclusion….
I’ve mastered the art of letting go.

Another One Bites The Dust

“Sometimes giving up, doesn’t mean that you’ve lost.”

Many of you may have forgotten about Catalina and Jason. If so here’s a recap:

 
These two were first featured in my previous blog entitled ” Approaching A Potential Match In Church: Yikes!”

 
Catalina was struggling with whether she should ask Jason out or not. He is the worship leader at the church that she attends. I like to refer to him as a mini celebrity.

 
Since then she has asked him out and has continuously made ATTEMPTS to establish communication between them.

 
The Take Off Was A Bit Rocky…
The first interaction between the two seemed promising. She asked him out and established interest. Then sometime passed and she tried to talk to him again. Well those times didn’t go so well.

 
One of the times, he didn’t speak at all. There wasn’t any eye contact. Just a complete and utter failure.

 
The last encounter had humor, laughter and even a nice hug at the end, but she walked away with absolutely nothing. He didn’t remember her from the previous conversations. He forgot all about the fact that she asked him out. She was no closer to knowing if he liked her or not.

 

“There’s a possibility that it may not all be his fault.”

 

Here’s Why:
There has been extremely long stretches of time between each of their interactions. From what I’ve learned, men tend to be singular minded individuals. They tend to lack the ability to remember far off things, and can’t shift focus at a moments notice.

 
Jason talks to numerous people daily. Maybe Catalina got swept into that large crowd. There are always plenty of people vying for his attention while he is in the middle of speaking to someone.
All in all, the time and place just never seems to be ideal. Then again when  is life.

 

There’s Always A Lesson To Be Learned:
This has helped Catalina shift her perspective on things. It is extremely evident that this isn’t going anywhere, at least for right now. What’s the harm in taking a step back and letting Jason come to her for a change, if his interest in her is equal to her interest in him.

 
Some people spend their entire life chasing something that was never meant for them to have. At times, while you’re chasing the wrong thing you may miss the thing that’s right for you.

 
Catalina knows just how wonderful she is. It isn’t her job to convince someone of that, only to love them once they realize it.

 
You don’t have to agree with her take on the situation. The comment box is open for your opinion.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

My tears have evaporated into anger.

It came rolling in like a devastating monsoon.

I feel my pulse quicken as I consider destroying you.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

My love has scattered leaving a vacancy.

I watched as it turned to air and floated

away into the night sky.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

My thoughts of you has mutated into

an irreconizible creature.

A monster that I am lethargic to slay.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

The shackles that bounded me to you have been broken,

and I am now set free.

I will never again be lored into a trap to be imprisoned.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

When I’d hear your call, I always came running,

because it was too unbearable to stay away.

Now when I listen to the same call,

I am reminded of all the times I need you

and you never answered.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

I am ready to jump from our mountain of memories,

into the unknown abyss below.

There, I know I can find the hope I need to reive me.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

I always needed one last embrace from you,

in order to be sure that I was ready to say adieu.

How could I have been so blind?

not to see that you’ve departed my life long ago.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

I watched the hurt flow into me like a river,

as I continued to drown in our past.

Eventually I setteled on a stray branch,

and pulled myself from your poisionus waters.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

I pick up the pieces of all your broken promises,

feeling each of them prick my fingers,

claiming blood every time.

It’s clear knowing you is more harmful than conscientious.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

I listen to all the lies you’ve ever told me,

and build a brick house with them.

Creating a fortress to keep me safe from you.

ζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζζ

Sometimes I feel insane because I still want you to be the one.

but you can only be the one to always shatter my heart.