We All Need Second Chances: Maybe It’s You

I believe that it’s important for you to be the best version of yourself in order to know what it is you’re looking for, because of that I have been listening to other point of views regarding women and dating. I am confident that I have come pretty far with my personal evolution, but I’m sure there are some flaws in myself that I just don’t see. Recently, I came across another helpful relationship video that explains the common things women tend to do wrong. So if you’re constantly going through guys and dates that lead to nowhereville, there is the possibility that it’s you. This was a bit of a eye opener for me because I tend to do these things myself. I have decided to try and follow these steps the next time I ask someone out, and I already have someone in mind. Here are a summary of the most crucial parts.

1: Throw out the one strike rule:

According to the dating expert, in order for a woman to be open minded, you must give at least second and third chances before putting up the wall towards a potential match. I agree to a degree. We are all humanly flawed and  sometimes it takes  more than one attempt to get things right. Think of the hardest test you took in your life, and how studying and attempts it took you to get out on top.  Next it is the possibility that the social blunders are attributed to nervousness. It isn’t easy to express yourself when your heart is pounding as loud as a drum. Think of all the times you were interacting with someone you really liked. Are you going to pretend that there were no social blunders and butterflies because of it?

2: Don’t be subtle:

I am absolutely guilty of this at times. A hint isn’t good enough anymore and a smile doesn’t make your intentions clear either. Uggh. I’m getting exhausted and I’ve only reached number 2. Men need things spelled out for them the way a toddler does. Along with the smile, you need to incorporate touch and be more direct in your questions and answers. It doesn’t sound hard until you have to actually do this to suit your specific situation. Don’t forget to make it fun. It’s never easy to go outside of your comfort zone and risk your feelings not being reciprocated. We all have our fears about this, it we didn’t then we wouldn’t be human. The question you need to ask yourself is simply, isn’t this person worth the risk. After all the outcome could be the most meaningful relationship you’ve ever had. I would just keep things in perspective and be mindful that sometimes men need a little push.

3: Commit a day out of your week to being social:

For the modern day independent woman, you might be thinking that you don’t have any spare time to commit to this. Guess what, it just as simple as walking outside. There are single men everywhere, you just have to pay attention. There is a Huffington post article that lists 101 places to actually meet single men. I highly suggest skimming this list because you’d be surprised to see just where they are hiding in plain sight.

Here’s the link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/francesca-hogi/99-overlooked-places-to-m_b_8350986.html

4: Be truly open to all possibilities:

It’s ok to ask for help sometimes. The more you open your social circle the higher the probability of finding a great guy. Put it out there that you are single and looking. Recruit your friends and family members to find more potantial people to hit if off with. Also don’t let your own expectations and delusions hinder you from giving a unconventional person a chance. We are all guilty of this even me. Now I find myself begging the question “What if I missed out on something great?”

I know this sounds like a lot of work to just get noticed by the right guy, but hiding yourself away isn’t going to make him appear any sooner. I suggest that just work on it day by day, and who knows what possibilities will end up coming your way.

 

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Maybe He’s Just Not That Into You?

Disclaimer: told in first person perspective. Catalina high jacked my blog.
I’d like to take you through the day leading up to the climax of my evening. I got dressed for work like any other day. I put on my dress and realized right away that I was going to definitely get noticed today. I ignored the nagging thoughts about my choice of wardrobe. Yes perhaps I may have gone too far this time. Oh well too late to change my mind.
I say a prayer and start my day at work anticipating what I had planned for later in the evening. I told myself this would be the day that Jason knows that I exist. Waiting definitely isn’t my strong suit. I take the slow scenic route to church after work and still ended up there early.
All day the prospect has been in the farthest region of my mind and I didn’t dare coax it out of hiding because I knew the frenzy that would follow. I remained calm and assertive. Something about today made the worry cease for a while anyway.
Then we begin to enter the church and with each step my heart begins to speed up. I must admit the adrenaline excited me and made me feel alive. I was looking forward to something for the first time in a long time. I took a deep breath as me and Amy found our seats near the instrumental pit like we’ve done on so many occasions.
Now that our seats were secure, I began to visually search for Jason. I saw a glimpse of him enter the back and then he takes a moment too long to reemerge. With my impatience building I decide to seek him out. I decided to walk pass the doors to see if he is standing there. I walked past but the doors are locked.
I exhaled as I felt my frustration begin its attack on me. “I guess this will be another missed opportunity,” I think to myself as I turn around to walk back to my seat.
Then in a moment almost like a dream, Jason walked past me. Before I could get my bearings together he looked at me and said hello first. I answer back quickly, thankfully able to think fast on my feet.
He looks immersed in his thoughts as he continues to walk past me holding his guitar. I quickly caressed his hand demanding his attention in this moment. My touch accomplished this goal and I asked him to join me and Amy after church.
I know what response I wanted, but a part of me knew things wouldn’t conclude the way I’d like. Unfortunately, he has another engagement. I decided not to pry further. You’re probably wondering why I would do such a thing.
Here’s why:
1. I don’t want to become the woman that has to chase a man. I strongly believe everything should be on an equal level. (Interest, attraction and compromise).
2. He’s a mini celebrity. He has women falling all over him on a routine basis. I don’t want to be tossed in with those other women. I am not afraid to express my interest but I refuse to let it become desperation.
3. He seemed oblivious to just what I was asking. He was preoccupied with too many things to realize that I was asking him out or he just wasn’t interested. (Although Amy told he did check me out when I had my head turned). I didn’t expect his life to stop because I wanted some of his time.
4. I’m trying to exercise patience and letting Jesus take the wheel of the situation.

A part of me wanted to go in for the kill, and just have him backed into a corner until he had no choice but to concede to my demands, but that’s too aggressive. Am I wrong for wanting the man to be the aggressor for a change?
After all that I didn’t feel chagrin or melancholy. I felt triumphant. I finally spoke to the guy I’ve had a crush on for months now. I don’t know what my next step will be but I know I’ll be taking them in strides, knowing that there isn’t anything I can’t do.
Please share your opinion and advice in the comment box and thank you for reading about an auspicious event in my life.

Here’s a article on why a woman should ask a guy out:

http://elitedaily.com/dating/motivate-ask-dude-on-date/1010222/
Okay Carlene, you can have your blog back.

Single Ladies Scavenger Hunt

What if you’re searching in the right places, but someone else beats you to it?
Does everyone remember Amy? If not here’s a recap.
Amy is best friends with Catalina and she is also single and looking to mingle. She has also done what Catalina has, and that’s searching for a potential match in church.
Unlike Catalina, Amy has a unique obstacle standing in her way.
Case#1
Amy met Ben around the same time that Catalina was interested in Jason. Unlike Jason, Ben is very social and approached Amy and Catalina instantly. After the services at church the trios always stop for a few minutes for a nice chat.
Here’s where it gets rocky. Amy is a bit shy and doesn’t know how to tell Ben that she interested in him. Catalina volunteers to be her wing man and open up the possibility of Amy getting Ben’s number.
These two ladies are all set to initiate what they planned until. (Wait! I need to get the exact exchange of words in quotes).
Ben: “Are you guys going on the retreat?”
Amy: “We’re working on it.”
Ben: “You guys should definitely try to make it.”
Catalina: “Yea, we’ll definitely make it if you’re paying.”
Ben: “I WISH I COULD BUT I HAVE A WEDDING TO PLAN.”
Yes you read that right. The charismatic and friendly Ben is engaged. Catalina quickly congratulated him and then she and Amy scampered off with their tails between their legs.

Case#2
Amy tries looking for a potential match in the workplace. According to vault.com 57-62% of people admit to office romances during their 2015 survey. Here’s a link if you’re interested in reading more.
http://www.vault.com/blog/workplace-issues/2015-office-romance-survey-results/
For Amy those look like some good odds. Amy started working for a new company a few months ago and met a co- worker named Adam. He is very tall and handsome with a great personality. Amy also finds out that he is a Christian. She uses this information to invite him to service so that she may work up the courage to ask him out, but unfortunately he never shows.
Adam is shrouded around mystery for a few days until Amy’s co-worker acts as her wing man and questions Adam about his interest in Amy. Her wing man returns with these words:
“He’s basically ENGAGED, but he said that if he wasn’t he would be interested.”
Talk about a sword through the heart twice.
How would you handle knowing that the person would want you just as much as you want them if only you had met them first? Don’t be shy guys and share your opinion on Amy’s misfortune.

Finding Peace Within, Before Finding The One

Over the past few posts I know the narrative has been filled with humor and drama. I wanted to use this post to insert some of my personal thoughts on what has been happening on the journey of navigating through singleness.

For starters, women tend to jump into finding a partner based on the pressures surrounding them (i.e. a majority of her friends are married or in a relationship). Also because she wants to be socially accepted and fit in with everyone else.

Over all I don’t think that there is anything wrong with wanting to find someone to help you navigate through this pre apocalyptic world. My question to you is what’s wrong with taking a little more time to make sure that you are ready and to know what it is you are looking for.

For a lot of women the final nail in the coffin is the fact that often times we act on impulse and emotion, almost, always seeking instant gratification. Nothing of substance was made over night, so why would a successful relationship?

I recently came across a post with instructions of simple exercises that can aide in fine tuning just what it is that you are actually looking for in a partner. I’m going to do these exercises myself to see if I have things figured out as well as I think I do.

Here’s the link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stacia-pierce/how-to-attract-a-partner-in-7-easy-steps_b_4618737.html

We also need to be realistic as what to expect from men. We can’t imagine a perfect man with absolutely no flaws. I’d hate to break it to you, but once you do that you’re going to get disappointed and heart broken in relationship you have.

Men have their own group of pressured. Sometimes, we need to look at things with a different set of eyes.

In conclusion we are our own worst enemy when it comes to dating, and failing to prepare is to prepare to fail. I don’t know about you guys but I want success in all things that I do. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment box below.

Happy hunting ladies.

Joyriding with a Stranger: Wait where’s Jason?

I know this post was supposed to be an update of what happened between Catalina and Jason. Remember that divine intervention that she mentioned before, well it turns out that it has struck again. Catalina mentally prepared herself all week for the big moment that she was sure she was going to have. She had gotten her hair done and found a cute outfit in her closet. She polished her nails and toes and looked her absolutely best. While she was waiting in line to enter the church for service she over hears two of the volunteers talking. They mentioned that Jason wouldn’t be in church today because he and the rest of the choir are away in Seattle for a concert.
Sorry guys Catalina’s story with Jason has to be postponed until July. I’m hoping they miraculously bump into each other before then, but at the rate that things are going it looks grim.
Onward to the focus of this blog. Although the night began with a slight set back. Catalina and her best friend Amy found adventure on a bus. After church the routine for these two is to take the B100 to their house because they lived pretty close to each other. What made this night different from all the rest is the fact that they didn’t board the bus to the normal driver of that route. The driver who I dub Lancelot was very charismatic and upbeat. He was amiable and both ladies took a liking to him instantly. The conversation was fun and bubbly until Amy reached her stop. The conversation with Catalina was more in depth uncovering the desires of the soul. Her end of the journey was near until Lancelot asked her to stay on and ride to the last stop. Now Catalina has never done anything like this before and couldn’t pass up a chance to have an adventure, so she said yes.
The last stop changed into riding the entire line all over again. Things seemed to be progressing nicely until Lancelot asked to spend the night. This was a bad omen. They are both strangers and her adventurous side does have its limits. Catalina decided this was the end of the ride until Lancelot circled back around to Amy’s stop and she rejoined the party bus.
Catalina and Amy rode the bus all the way to the depot, there they waited for Lancelot to arrive and give them a ride home. Detour after detour was made, suddenly these ladies began to wonder if they would ever make it home. First Lancelot goes home to change from his bus uniform. Then he brings Amy and Catalina over to his brother’s house, who I call Trey. Trey is the opposite of Lancelot. He is demur and eloquent. The night seemed to hold more adventure when it was decided to go out for drinks. They made a pit stop for some gas and the plans changed again. Now everyone was to depart and head home. Catalina was dropped off first.
She dressed for bed as her head was reeling from all the twists and turns of the night. Lancelot didn’t give up. He began texting her in an attempt to convince her to allow him to come over. Catalina was warming up to the idea until he stated that he wanted to spend the night with her. Again doing this with someone you haven’t even know for a full 24 hours didn’t sound ideal to her. So she said no and things with Lancelot ended there.

My question to you guys is do you agree with Catalina’s decision. I’d like to hear some feedback. Do you even want a follow up with Jason if it ever happens? Don’t be shy, tell me what you think. I also have a new poll for you to vote on. If you have any stories or ideas of your own, please feel free to submit them.

Approaching a potential match in church: yikes!

Okay please reserve all your judgements until the end of this post and you’ve read the entire story. The female perplexed by this situation is going to be named Catalina for the rest of the post and the male mouthwatering specimen will be named Jason. If you guys don’t like the names, to bad. Now let’s proceed with the story shall we…

Once upon a time on a Friday night at a youth service, Catalina finally gets to see Jason the choir director up close. She has been to this church before on Sunday’s and Jason opens every service. This day in particular inspires her to take notice of him more so than before. She notices that he is genuinely handsome and exudes a charm and kindness that pulls her closer to him. He is different from all the others because of his confidence to sing about his love for the lord day in and day out with an infectious energy. In fact, Catalina’s new found faith was strengthened by the music Jason sings at every service. She decides that she wants to introduce herself to him and see where things go from there.

The first attempt: On the following Friday, Catalina’s nerves are everywhere. There are clear opportunities to make eye contact with Jason but she always looks away. At the end of the service Catalina plans an approach but Jason never leaves the instrumental pit. Catalina and her sidekick Amy (for the purpose of this blog) regroup and come up with an alternate plan. Catalina (being the stalker that she is) knows what exit Jason will come out of. Her and Amy walk up to the exit and wait for him there. By some unforeseen and unfortunate circumstance Jason does exit from the same door but walks in the opposite direction. Catalina is too frustrated to try and catch up with him.

The second attempt: On the first Friday of the month that this particular service is being held. Catalina shows up in a new outfit, heels and an eye catching hair style. She tries to make eye contact with him every chance she gets but he refuses to return any of her glances. Catalina doesn’t lose her cool and remains patient until the end of the service. Eventually he does leave the instrumental pit but is immediately swept away by a young girl that looks like a fan. Catalina decides to wait until Jason is done speaking to the girl because she wanted his complete attention. This finally happens but another person intervenes and takes his attention and him away. Catalina is beginning to read these incidents as a sign from God that maybe she shouldn’t pursue Jason any further. Amy and her other friends tell her she isn’t really making an effort. Here is where the indecisiveness stems from. First, this is a church for crying out loud. Catalina feels as if this breaks every church protocol there is to pick up a guy in church, no matter how great you think he is. Secondly, this is new territory for her. She has never had a crush on someone at church before and no advice given to her could possibly apply to a situation such as this.

Although, this situation seems unlikely to become successful, Catalina is determined to try one last time. She has a full SEVEN days before the next service. I turn her story to you my readers. Please take the time to vote on what she should do next in the poll below or if you have alternate suggestions, comment, advice etc. feel free to post them at the end of this blog.

I’ll be checking back throughout the week to see how the discussion is going. Remember SEVEN days and counting.

Welcome to the Maddness!!!!

I’ve spent almost my whole life in love with the written word. I began writing poetry about an unattainable crush. Then like a plant with strong roots the seed began to grow into a tree. Then I began writing short stories throughout a boring day of school or work. There are two things in life that I am passionate about writing and expressing positivity where ever I can.

Just like words, the verb LOVE has always made me curious. I did everything to learn more. I wanted to know what loving someone else felt like. Once I accomplished that I had to also learn the pitfalls. I will never quote myself as being an expert on the subject, but I definitely understand a lot more about it now. With that being said while I was brainstorming ideas of what kind of content I should discuss in my blog, the idea came to me the way the first image of a masterpiece comes to a painter.

I’m dedicating this blog to the experiences of being single in the city in search of the perfect guy or girl. Some of the topics will be from my experiences and some are not, In order to keep the people in my world anonymous. I will not be using factual names or places.

Here’s a nice twist. Some situations will be discussed as they are unfolding and it will be up to my readers to vote on what decision should be made. Also I’d like this experience to be interactive. Please post your own stories, ideas and opinions as well.

I’m looking forward to this fun experience and hearing your feedback.