Come take a walk with me.
Darling, take my hand as we
walk along the beach.
Listen to the waves of the rolling sea.
They are unsettled like me.
With each foot print I think
I’m beginning to lose my nerve.
Look at the glimmering sun.
It’s beauty pales, when compared
Oh, how do I put this into words?
Would you be hurt if I was to go away?
Do you really want me to stay?
How could you say
“If you leave, then don’t come back.”
I think it’s beginning to rain.
I watch each droplet get lost in your hair.
Remind me again, what were we fighting about?
Your laughter is the most beautiful
sound I’ve ever heard.
Come dance in this down pour
I’ve missed days like this.
Yes, even with the fighting.
Shall we continue our walk?
I take my beloved by the hand
and we twirl around and around
once last time in the fading rain.
The wind comes alive
and usher’s us closer.
I now have no doubt in
what I should do.
I release my hold of your waist.
I take hold of your hand, as I
take a bended knee.
This may come as a surprise to you,
but I’ve actually planned everything that
Oh, except the rain.
I pull my hands from my pocket
to expose what I’ve been hiding.
I have but one more question…
“Will You Marry Me?” I shout loudly.
I had to throw you off somehow
and by the look on your face, I must’ve.
“Eventually, I got over it and embraced the person I had become and found new things to love about myself, but the weight of what I lost still weighs heavily on me today.”
Source: The Source of Your Trouble…
I chose “Don’t Settle” as the theme for this blog. I’ve recently been introuduced to Jefferson Bethke, a video blogger on YouTube. He has a video diary on the topic of dating. I listened to the one titled “Don’t Settle” I think we are all guilty of doing this at some point in our life in various relationships. The over all message is to trust in God’s plan for you. There is the right person out there for you, although they’ll never be perfect. The thing I struggle with most is patience. Mentally I am willing to wait for that person to enter my life, but my heart is impatient.
I believe that there is something better waiting for you, if it didn’t work out in that past relationship. I’ve struggled through some of these feelings. I had to find the bigger picture that no matter how much I wanted it to work, I was only responsible for 50% of the effort to make the relationship work. Then the remainder was up to my partner. In the mist of the chaos I couldn’t wrap my head around it, that there is always the potential of things not being equal in a relationship.
I had to go through a lot of self healing to find hope again. That’s the reason I took a liking to Jefferson’s video blog. He’s all about the bigger picture and his words inspire new hope. Hope and faith are sometimes the strongest emotions of motivation. It is irrelvant as to how you have come to find these things, just be sure to hold on to them as you go through your journey in life.
Without hope and faith, I’m certain that I would’ve ended up in a very dark place. Perhaps, I would’ve become so volitale that eventually I would’ve chased everyone out of my life. I felt the embers of my love slowly being snuffed out each time that I let anger and frustration win. By the good grace of God, I found another way. A way that eventually taught me how to love myself although, I was broken.
I have decided not to settle and run from the potential of something being amazing just becuase it’s difficult. I’m sure that it was difficult for Jesus to die on the cross for everyone else’s sin.
I have added the video below for you to view. Please share your thoughts and opinion.
I’ve recently read so many relationship stories of women faced with a lot of the problems I’ve had in the past. Reading their stories has made me brave enough to share mine.
I fell in love at a young age, and when I say love I mean it. This person was my whole world. He occupied 98% of my brain. The near proximity of him would send my body into frenzy. A gesture as simple as his hand on my thigh made my insides writhe the way Anastasia Steel’s did at Christian Grey’s touch. I thought I found what I was searching for all my life, naively believing that the search had finally ended.
Although he made me come alive for the first time in my life and slowly helped me to break out of my shy shell. He was still very much rough around the edges, but it was a roughness I tasked myself to smooth out. So what if he’s not romantic, I thought. In the beginning he really did try a memory of him bringing me balloons and a teddy bear in the middle of a snow storm for my birthday flashes to mind.
So when he messed up and began breaking my fragile heart, I thought back to moments like that to remind myself of the potential he had to be the best man I’d come to know. Even though I wanted him to be the right guy and I continued to unearth his potential, the fact that we were complete opposites was too evident.
He was emotional at times and I’m always stoic. Saying I love you for the first time was the most horrifying and courageous thing I’d done. Yes and the most important difference, he was enough for me but I wasn’t for him. One day he decided to end the picture perfect world I’d created in my head. I found out how he really felt and all of my suspicions were confirmed. There really was no such thing as making it work with the wrong guy.
Of course being wrong isn’t something I’d like to admit, in fact being wrong didn’t seem like a part of my personality until that day. I spiraled into darkness of course. I hated myself for loving someone that turned out to be so vile. I wanted to hate him for hurting me and stripping away the last piece of innocence I had left. I was lost and I felt like I was falling into an endless pit with nothing to grab a hold of.
Fast forward a bit…
We are still in each other’s lives in some ways. I have accepted who he is and now I know who I am but that still doesn’t erase the genuine love that lives inside me. I have spent more than half my adulthood nurturing it and in an instant I had to figure out how to assassinate it. The journey hasn’t been easy and sometimes I still get confused, but I do know that it is over between us.
Although sometimes we dance around each other and pretend things could ever be the same. The simple truth is we are no longer the same people. I had to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart alone. I had to live with the transition of him being the most important person in my life to being able to cope with the absence of him in my life.
I have found strength and love in God and I spent the time since our break-up growing and maturing into a single woman. From my perspective he hasn’t changed much. He still lets his emotions dictate his actions.
Now when I look at him I ask myself what I ever saw in him. If he touches me I feel repulsed because I know I deserve better. I’m actually very happy if I don’t hear from him for long periods of time.
I’d like to share what I’ve learned. You must put God first in all things in order to ensure its success. You must love yourself above anyone else because others will leave your life at some point and you’re stuck with yourself. Forgiveness is a vital aspect in growing and healing. Lastly, always remember LOVE because there is already plenty of hate in the world.
As the weeks have progressed, Catalina’s life resembles a character from Jane Austen’s “Persuasion.” For those of you unfamiliar with the novel, it is a story about a couple that just can’t seem to overcome circumstance and the frailty of the human mind to honor the real feelings of their hearts. You can read the full summary here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persuasion_%28novel%29
like the character Anne, Catalina has been waiting to be with Jason but things just keep getting between them.
In the beginning, when Catalina had numerous opportunities to say something to Jason she let them slip away because of her insecurities. Then when she found the strength and will to actively pursue something that her heart desired, unforeseen circumstances kept hitting her with road blocks. Yes, this was very frustrating and somewhat a deterrent, but just like Anne who never stopped hoping Catalina still believed that her moment would come.
After the three week Hiatus.
Catalina reaffirmed to herself that she would not allow this opportunity to pass her by again. Although, Jason is a stranger to her he possess something that is very desirable. It could be his physical appearance, the tremendous positive energy emanating from him or his zest for life. After all, the only true failure is to never really try at all. Once again she found herself at church ready to speak to Jason and see just where the possibilities would lead.
You’ll never guess what happened this time.
Once again he wasn’t there. Go figure, right. Catalina is a religious person and believes in signs. There are many ways to interpret this incident. One: There is a major spiritual reason as to why she just can’t seem to get her way. Two: Like “Persuasion” sometimes love doesn’t work out the way you expect or within the timeline you want it to. Third: Simply, Catalina and Jason come from two different worlds and it’s near to impossible for either to cross over.
We are at a crossroads again, and Catalina has to wait for the right opportunity or chose to move on. I’d love to hear your take on this. Also there’s a new poll up.
Can’t wait to read your comments.